Free Parking

Today was a red-letter day. After months of being cooped up in the apartment, unable to get out other than to ride with friends to my various doctor appointments, much less drive, I took the Buffalo-mobile out on a spin. Well, truth be told, the first major breakthrough came yesterday when I rode with my roommate down to The Cellar Club for an afternoon benefit concert staged by my friend Tim Shook for a girl named Haylee. That story will appear in the next issue of KUDZOO Magazine. I’m writing a little show review. Some great music there for a great cause yesterday.

Today, I got into the van and headed to Advanced Auto for some windshield wipers. The pair that were on there must have been 100 years old. Well, maybe not that old, but they sure needed replacing before I ventured over to Spinx to run the vehicle through the car wash. So, with my portable oxygen in tow, I got the wash, and pointed the car toward Bi-Lo, where I had a prescription to pick up. Oh, and some of those dark purple seedless grapes. Better than candy.

I had my handicapped (temporarily!) placard ready, and when I arrived there, five of the six handicapped reserve spaces were occupied. I started to swing into the remaining one when I got got off by a 20-something guy in a black Lexus with dark tinted windows. He just cut me off like an annoying hangnail, and whipped it in. When he opened his door, the music came barreling out at maximum. Nothing but bass. Jay Z. 

I sat there with the placard on display as he leapt from his ride and looked me right in the eye. I pointed at my handicap thingy. He just shrugged and kind of laughed and kept on truckin.’ I drove around and found a space elsewhere.

Now. True confessions time. Before I got sick, there were times in the past where I would take the handicapped parking spot out of sheer laziness. I guess I never realized how important it is to people with mobility issues. For the time being, I am one of those. I have pulmonary hypertension, which makes walking quite a challenge – the breathing part that is.

So the moral of the story is, I learned a lesson myself from my homeboy at Bi-Lo. There’s a reason why these spaces are reserved. If you are healthy enough to walk, leave those spots for the people that really need ‘em. You never know when that person in need could be you.

-Michael Buffalo Smith

The Emmys Need an Enema

I have always loved watching awards shows. It goes all the way back to when I was a kid, watching the Oscars on the old black and white Magnavox. I never missed the Academy Awards, and of course, the Grammys. I’m all about the music. And then there were the yearly Emmy Awards broadcasts. A night to celebrate the year in television.

I was really looking forward to chilling and watching the Emmy Awards broadcast last night. After all, for me, this had been one of the best years in TV history. With the ability to DVR, along with Netflix and Amazon Prime; view on your nook, iPad or phone- the options are endless. Of course all of this would be for naught if there wasn’t some interesting programming to back it up. And was there ever some good stuff. (There’s still a lot of reality TV for those who prefer to view without engaging the brain.) Of course, a lot of the shows I love will most likely never see a nomination, but it’s always been that way. My favorites usually get passed over on all the awards shows. This year, I loved Revolution; Bates Motel (one nomination); Person of Interest; The Americans; Sons of Anarchy; The Walking Dead; American Horror Story: Asylum (a few nods, one winner) - to name a few. Lots of good stuff.

And I have just started binge watching the entire run of Breaking Bad. I had never seen it until three weeks ago, and I am almost all the way through the second season. The TV times they are a changin.’ Love it.

There are lots of great shows on HBO, but since I can’t afford HBO, I am at a loss there. Oddly enough, HBO was winning beaucoups of statues last night.

One groundbreaking change this year was the nominations for a show that broke the mold for the way we see television. An original series from Netflix, the streaming video service. House of Cards, starring Kevin Spacey, was so good, I went right through the first season- not all at once, but pretty darn quickly. I really like this new model. They post the entire season, and you watch when you are ready. No commercials. That’s coming very close to my dream of commercial-free television, where you simply subscribe to the shows you really want to watch.

But I digress. Last night’s 65th Annual Emmy Awards show sucked. By far the lamest one I have ever seen in my life. Well, there was the Oscars that one year, but...

Host Neil Patrick Harris.... bless his heart, apparently he acted as producer as well - is perfect for the Tony Awards. Not so for the Emmys. He’s a song and dance man, which we were reminded of more times than I care to recall by way of lame comments and skits. Speaking of comedy, I couldn’t find any. Gone were the usual belly laughs that come with these shows. Also gone were film clips. There were none. What? No clips. No real comedy. But a couple of dance numbers. Uh, Neil. The Tonys called. They want their host back.

On top of all this, the show was in bad need of a quaalude. It was going way too fast. I think winners must have been allowed 20 seconds before the “get your butt off the stage” music started up, and the way they presented the nominees for each category was like flash cards. I didn’t even have time to think about who was nominated before the winner was announced, hustled to the stage, said thanks, and given the bums rush. Next!

The In Memoriam segment flashed by at 110 mph as well. Not cool. And they pulled a few out for a full on minute and a half tribute. Sure, I was happy to see James Gandolphini (a favorite of mine) paid tribute. Same with Jean Stapleton and Jonathan Winters, but singling them out kind of made the other passings look “less important.”

Honestly, I can’t believe I watched the whole thing. Bad writers. Bad hosting. Bad ideas. I sure home the 2013 Emmy Awards show isn’t up for an Emmy Award. It could easily lose to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

-Michael Buffalo Smith